Grief enters our offices every day.
As human beings we cover up grief for various reasons, ranging from what we’ve learned from our own authorities and cultural expectations to personal coping mechanisms.
Our own grief and the way loss has impacted us will affect how we recognize and address the grief our clients bring with them.
Grief is hidden underneath the presenting problems our clients come to us for help.
Are you ready to see the grief and learn how to support your clients in a new way?
What is Grief?
Grief follows closely behind the client who comes in with panic attacks.
It is not unusual for people who have had significant loss to experience panic attacks that appear to be unrelated to their grief. The world doesn’t feel safe to a griever, especially after an unexpected loss. Their safety bubble of assumptions that bad stuff happens to other people, has been burst and dismantled.
Grief hides within the ethers in the client who has struggled with depression for most of his life.
Significant losses will often exacerbate a depressive episode for someone who has a history of a mood disorder. And grief can look like depression i.e. difficulty sleeping, easily agitated, loss of appetite, deep sadness but these are common symptoms of grief. Symptoms related to feelings of worthlessness, inability to function, and suicidal ideation are more attributable to a depressive episode.
Grief rumbles inside the client who has anger management issues.
The root word of grief means injustice and when someone you love dearly dies, it is almost always unfair. Grievers perceive the world differently after their world has been turned upside down and they tend to have periods of time when their reactions are over the top and their level of tolerance can be pretty low. Anger can feel more energizing than the helplessness that can be so paralyzing in grief.
Grief is in the shadows of the client who has been taking care of her mom with dementia.
From the moment of diagnosis the relationship will never be the same when a loved one has dementia or a life limiting brain disorder. The progressiveness of the illness and changes to their loved one’s functioning takes a toll, especially for the person taking care of them. Anticipatory grief is exhausting-there are no definitive timeframes and the roller coaster of hopes and disappointments are many.
Grief bounces into your office with the kid who has ADHD.
It’s common for kids who have had a significant loss to have difficulty concentrating, and become overstimulated. The physical symptoms of grief can include feeling restless, easily agitated, impatient and overwhelmed. These symptoms can be misinterpreted as ADHD and we know that a significant loss in a family can significantly worsen someone with ADHD already.
Grief comes into your office with the kid who was adopted.
Adoption is born from loss for everyone involved. For the birthparents, the adoptive parents and for the child. For the extended family and friends. It is vital that the pain of the grief is acknowledged while working with strengthening the tethers to each other.
Grief screams in the heart of the client whose partner died by suicide 5 years ago.
The suicide loss of a partner is almost always sudden, often shocking and overwhelming. And too many times the ones left behind experience blame, shame and isolation. Time alone not only does NOT make it better, it compounds the pain that has had to be covered up by being in survival mode.
Grief is interwoven between the business partners who come in complaining about how their friendship was ruined by going into business together.
When a relationship changes and takes on new roles without acknowledging and repairing the accumulation of disappointments, dashed dreams and unmet expectations, their grief fuels the protective distant divide.
Grief is in the heart of the nurse who was referred to you for her “bad attitude at work”.
Burnout, Compassion Fatigue and Vicarious Trauma is how grief shows up for helping professionals. Unfortunately, there is inadequate support to deal with the loss of a sense of purpose and the disillusionment of “doing the right thing” and not being able to change the outcome.
By delving into the complexities of grief and refining our approaches, we can offer more nuanced support to our clients as they navigate their emotions and experiences.
I’m Debi Jenkins Frankle.
I equip clinicians with tangible tools, strategies, and resources to assist their clients confidently through profound losses, helping to them to find more peace in their hearts and regain their footing in a new world.
I’ve been teaching therapists (licensed and pre-licensed) to become confident grief-informed clinicians since 1996.